Survival Guide: Education

Areas of Study


Students learn the basic premises behind making any
shape, no matter how convoluted or complex, perfectly aerodynamic.&nbsp
Hovering is covered in detail, paying particular attention to aircraft
displaying no obvious form of propulsion.

Martial Arts

Mastery of the human body. Students learn the
basics of fighting through practice against inanimate objects, such as
trees and rocks. Fighters are encouraged to find a partner with whom
they can get together every few years and beat the crap out of each other.

Martial Arts – Graduate Level

Students master the arts of swordplay, gravity-defying
leaps, and channeling energy blasts through various portions of the
anatomy. Final exam requires students to identify an evil master,
locate, and destroy him.

Music Education

Study of musical theory and performance.
Specialties of study include writing, vocal performance, instrumental
performance, and long-range tactical combat broadcasting.


Principles of Anime physics, in which students
examine and redefine the laws of kinetic energy, gravity, and linear
time. Exceptional students are instructed in the science of
projecting energy fields from their hands.


The study of large population patterns, including
the ability of large numbers of civilians to disappear completely from
view upon arrival of large intergalactic war fleets hovering over
cities. Studies also include Alanian Policy of Nonintervention,
political attitude which states that, “If we wait long enough without
getting involved, the evil monster armies will kill all our enemies and
just go away.”


This is the study of plants and how evil aliens can
use them to subjugate humans. Coursework includes basic
plant physiology, phylogeny, manipulation, accelerated growth
techniques, and advanced plant/animal hybridization.