Twelve-step program: How to De-Otakunize Yourself

1.) Admit that you have a problem. The best way to do this is to compare your storage space (dwindling due to acquisition of anime-related merchandise) and your account balance (dwindling due to acquisition of anime-related merchandise).

2.) Confront your problem in the most horrible way possible. In this case, have a soon-to-be-ex-friend strap you into a chair, and put the little eyelid thingies (from A Clockwork Orange) on you so you can’t escape, then start the 72-hour Streamline dub marathon and leave.

3.) Remove the offending material–out of sight, out of mind. Tear down all lifesize Belldandy posters. Melt your prized Kiki cels into new and interesting sculpture. Record over your pristine collection of S-VHS 1950s giant robot shows, preferably with something like “Family Matters”. Use your laserdisc collection to play Frisbee Catch with the Great Dane in your backyard.

4.) Shun (isn’t that Mitaka-coach’s name?) all those who would lead you into temptation. If you catch a glimpse of anything animated, do penance by watching old episodes of “Saved By The Bell”.

5.) Denounce the culture and nation which brought you anime. Watch Saban’s “VR Troopers” or “Superhuman Samurai Syber Squad” to remind yourself how evil Japan is.

6.) Burn that used sailor fuku you acquired a while back, you ecchi.

7.) Learn Sanskrit to drive all acquired syllables of Japanese from your brain.

8.) Renounce Inoue Kikuko, and turn in your honorary Hitoshi Doi badge.

9.) When someone says “convention”, force yourself to think of large gatherings of boring people in suits selling kitchen appliances.

10.) Rename all of your pets. We KNOW they’re named after anime characters. For the truly far gone, rename all of your children as well.

11.) Move. Do not give forwarding addresses to friends, associates, or AnimEigo.

12.) Drop off the Internet. It will only lead you to such catastrophes as IRC or AnimeMUCK! Become a hermit. Grow old in solitude. Die.

Of course, there is no guarantee that all of this will work for you. ^_^